Gerald and April--The Cancer Chapter of Life

February 1981—WRITTEN ONE MONTH BEFORE DIAGNOSIS

Dear Friends:

H A P P Y V A L E N T I N E’S D A Y ! ! !

You may have noticed that the Romney’s didn’t send out Christmas cards this year. Some of you might have said to yourselves, “Well, they just didn’t have their act together again.” On the other hand, maybe we just planned it that way and decided to be original and send Valentine cards instead! Who know: We’ll never admit to anything and we might have even started a new tradition!

We enjoyed hearing from you at Christmas time and hope all is well with you and your families. The past year has been an eventful one of our family—one filled with many growing and maturing experiences, outstanding memories, and one not soon forgotten.

Gerald is a manager in the Phoenix office of Price Waterhouse and for the first time in his career his busy season ahs been bearable. I don’t know if it is that he really is home more or that we are just getting used to his demanding schedule. He enjoys his wok immensely and even has time to be the Scoutmaster in our ward. Knowing it isn’t proper to aspire to positions, he has, nevertheless, been called to the job he has always wanted. He is quite the expert with out-door cooking. Just ask him about his dutch oven Pineapple upside-down cake or cooking eggs and bacon in a paper bag! His calling has been a neat experience for the entire family and Chip has been able to go on a few overnights with his Dad.

The most significant event in my life this year was the passing of my Father in May. It happened very suddenly but that in itself was a blessing to all the family. As a result, the children and I spent nearly the entire summer with my Mom in Globe on her ranch. Now I can mend fences and pitch hay with the best of them! I was also called to be Education Counselor in Relief Society. Somehow I still can’t get used to being in front of adults every week—I miss the children. The 2nd most significant event this year was that I turned 30. I will not, however, make any further comment on the subject.

The events of the year have had a tremendous effect on Chip. For those of you who know of his close relationship to his Grandpa you can well imagine his feelings and growth. I am very pleased with his sensitivity and tenderness and his understanding of life after death. His favorite things in life consist of: Matchbox cars, oatmeal cookies, rides in the jeep, math, Walt Disney, violin lessons, bicycle rides in the vacant lot, yellow ribbons, horses, Dolly Parton songs, overnights with the Scouts, and his “man” Sunday School teacher. (Not necessarily in that order!)

Quinn is fast growing into a little lady. She would rather have her finger nails painted than almost anything and is very conscious of her appearance—clothes, hair, etc. All this drives Gerald up a wall and I’m not ready for it either. Doesn’t this all begin at age 12? Her friends are very important to her and she loves to spend time with them. She is taking acrobat lessons again this year and can turn the fastest cartwheel in the West. Her weekly violin lessons also keep her occupied but also a bit frustrated for she can’t understand why they don’t make left-handed violins!

Have you heard of the 3rd child syndrome? You know, neglected, frustrated, lacking attention, etc. Well, Susannah definitely does not fit that mold. She is so energetic, full of the devil, and probably the smartest child we’ve had yet still not trained. She is in 7th heaven if she can wear her favorite outfit—“Wonda-woos, cowboy boots and Chips baseball cap!” She loves to sing, make pies in the sand pile, eat onions, go to her Sunday School class, ride horses, and to “cuddle with my Liddle Daddy!”

Our life is very full and complete. WE have been blessed with so much and for this we are very grateful. Among our most treasured blessings, however, are our wonderful friends and our family. WE send you our love on Valentine’s Day with a wish that each of you and your families may all be as happy and contented as we are.

WE love you all!
Gerald, April, Chip, Quinn and Susannah

PS Please come see us! WE love company!


March 30, 1981 FIRST CANCER LETTER
Dear Family:

This letter is a progress report after treatment number 1. Yesterday we went to Tucson for my first treatment and things didn’t go just as planned. When they put the needle into my hand to start the I.V. I went faint, my blood pressure dropped and they couldn’t give me the medicine. They tried twice on the left hand but to no avail. At that time I decided it was appropriate to take a 30 minute break so we went to the cafeteria for a bowl of soup and then a walk around the hospital grounds.

ARROW AND COMMENTS FROM APRIL:
Soup heck! Imagine this—here he is, 30 minutes before he is to become “violently” ill and I turned around from talking to my sister and looked at his tray—soup, large OJ, apple pie and onion rings!—He ate more than he has eaten at any one time in a month. Not too bad, I’d say!

(back to Gerald)
On the second try they had me talk to one of the nurses who is a former Hodgkin’s patient. After the pep talk I was determined to relax, and all went well. I didn’t pay attention to what they were doing—instead I concentrated on an imaginary trip to Little Cherry Creek—that is my favorite place. I didn’t even know when they gave me the nitrogen mustard which is the real villan. As a matter of fact, I told the doctor that nitrogen mustard sounds like chemical warfare from WWI. His reply was that with a few changes it was the same stuff. The potential side effects are swelling of the veins where it is administered (it is very hard on the veins) nausea, and vomiting. I was supposed to be violently ill for 6-8 hours (violently meaning throwing up every 10-15 minutes) And just ordinary sick for tow days. Well, I have again been very blessed. I was nauseous, but only mildly so, and I only threw up twice. It definitely was not very “violent”. Today was the second day and I am slightly nauseous, but I am able to function normally around the house. I feel like I’m slightly car sick.

NOTE FROM APRIL:
He told me he now knows what it feels like to have “morning sickness!”

Yesterday the method of dealing with the reaction I found most successful was laying on the bed being as inactive as possible. The more I moved around the more I felt the nausea mounting. But laying in bed made me very, very uptight. I kept wondering when IT would hit. Fortunately IT never did arrive. They said I could expect future reactions to be similar to the first—I hope so.

One of the effects of the treatment is that it distorts your judgment. During the second half of the infection I was almost overcome by a tremendous fear. It was fear of the medicine, the illness or anything in particular. It was just fear and it seemed almost overpowering. I wanted to stand up and RUN. I must have held it in ok as April said I never showed any signs of that reaction. The other reaction was that yesterday I didn’t want the medicine, didn’t care about getting well, didn’t want to do anything. I just didn’t want anything. My whole sphere of thought was negative. I couldn’t dredge up one positive thought and believe me I tried. Today everything is back to normal and I am anxious to get this whole thing behind me. If my treatment lasts 6 months I have only 11 more injections to go. However the second injection is supposed to be much milder than the first. So I should have a relatively easy time.

But keep praying for me!! I need the help. I can’t tell you all how much your prayers have meant. They are felt and have made a big difference. Please keep up the good work—we have 6 more months to go.

I love you all,
Gerald

(from April)
Thank you all again! As far as we know, things are going well. You all would have been so proud of Gerald. I am amazed at each day at not only the fact that he is physically adapting so well, but that he is continually keeping his and my and the children’s spirits up. His humor keeps us all going. He is convinced that he will “pay his dues” for the next 6-8 months and that is it—and our lives will return to normal. He is such an example to me and I am so grateful for his influence.

The Lord has answered all of our prayers and we know he will continue to do so. Again our hearts are so full of the love and gratitude to each of our friends and family for all you have done. Please explain to the children that Heavenly Father really has listened to them and through their prayers, He has helped Gerald. This has been such a learning experience for the children. Chip would fast everyday, I think if we would let him. He is so protective of Gerald and so concerned. WE love you with all our hearts.

GACQ and S

4/5/1981 CANCER UPDATE, FAMILY TRADITIONS, AND ADOPTION

Dear Family,

Since conference yesterday and in conjunction with the letters to let you all know of my progress, I have decided to start writing my letters in my journal and then copying from here to send to you. We’ll see how well it copies. It makes it much easier for me to not have to cut up my letters and staple them into my journal—much neater also.

First I’ll give you another medical update. It’s only been 6 days since my first treatment, but already
1) The lump on my neck that was still left after the biopsy is down to where I can’t feel it.
2) I’m sleeping normal hours—the fatigue and 12-14 hours of sleep are gone.
3) My cough is almost gone, I cough infrequently and that is usually either first thing in the morning to clear mucous or late at night.
4) My voice is much better. Last night at priesthood meeting I could sing again (not that I could ever really sing). Although I’m not very good at it I love to sing the hymns, and it was a very emotional thing to not be able to sing. I just mouthed the words—some of you have mentioned President Kimball during my illness and when it came to singing, I really felt something in common with him—except that he used to be really good.
5) My appetite is back. April, Mom and Dad are all excited about that. I’m indifferent—I liked loosing 10 pounds. I can fit into several pairs of pants I had grown out of. This is one thing I’m going to try to hang onto—or rather not hang onto.

In the last letter I described my first injection. It really wasn’t so bad once I took hold of the situation and I think I can stay in the driver’s seat instead of letting the drugs control me completely—at least that is my challenge. This week I started on my pills which are all minor by comparison for my record and your information they are:

1 per day-kidney pill to prevent kidney stones due to all the extra dead cells bring filtered out by the kidneys and liver. The extra cells are from the tumors “debulking.”

4 per day: Prednisone. This is one of the cancer drugs and it gives me an undesirable “high” nor a euphoric high, but rather a very uptight nervous feeling. To counter act the nervousness (which is very unusual for me) the Dr. gave me some tranquilizers. The first time it worked just find—eliminated the nervousness. The next two times it put me to sleep so I don’t take it anymore.

4 per day: Procarbizine. A cancer drug—I don’t know exactly what it does.

Compazine. I take as needed for nausea—basically the two days after injections.

AT work things are still progressing well. I am doing my best to be dependable. I am less concerned about the total time I’m off than I am about being there when I say I will be. I really couldn’t ask for better support from an employer. After I get past next week I really think I will be able to pull my won weight. For the last several weeks the time I’ve been in the office has been more for my benefit than Price Waterhouse’s.

Yesterday was April’s birthday and we continued a tradition started 2 years ago. I got Chip and Quinn up at 5:30 and baked April’s cake. The kids really did most of the work (except that I got to sweep up all the ingredients that didn’t make it into the bowl.) After the cake (German chocolate) was finished we went to the supermarket and got the children’s gifts for mom…Quinn got nylons, Chip picked some flowers and Susy got a tube of toothpaste. (That’s the result of 3 kids and 2 ideas). Then we fixed breakfast in the kitchen and served it to mom in bed. We really out did ourselves on the menu: Raisin bran and orange juice and I cut up some watermelon Dad brought by. At any rate, I’m sure she enjoyed it. At 10:00 we packed her off to conference. I listened at home, but we can get it on TV if we go to the stake center.

I also want to tell you about a fellow I baptized on my mission. I think he was 60-65 at the time and was a widower. He made his meager living selling toys at the park. At the time we taught him I wondered if he would be able to stay active because Sunday is THE day to go to the park and I imagine he made most of his money on Sunday. After I left Mexico I heard from his just once until last month. He is coming to Mesa to be sealed to his wife (he must have remarried). He will arrive April 10th and I am anxious to see him again, and of course this will be the first time April will have met him. I will try to go to the temple with them for a few sessions. I’m going to have to practice Spanish between now and then.

President Benson’s talk in Priesthood meeting was on the responsibilities of fathers and it really brought out many o f the thoughts that have been with me the past two weeks. After the meeting April and I say down and had a long talk. There are many more questions that are u unanswered than answered but our feelings are:

1) We aren’t sure how it will come about but we both feel our family is not complete.
2) As for the chances of the sperm bank: a normal count is 60-150 million and due to my illness my count before freezing was 32 million. A normal post freeze survival rate is 40-50%, but my survival rate was only 10% and the surviving 10% were not very vital. Multiplying that out, it leaves 3 million or 5% of the low range of normal. The doctor told me that doctors start defining sterility at 40 million and below 20 million the chances are next to none. Nonetheless, we have gone ahead with the feeling that we have preserved what we could and the rest will be up to the Lord. After all, it only takes 1 and that isn’t too much for him if he chooses.
3) Of all the doctors we have spoken to the possibilities for permanent sterility have been given as a low of 60% probability to a high of 90%. In addition, there is a possibility of genetic damage. We have not asked about those possibilities but we do know that the doctors are absolutely adamant that strict steps be taken to prevent a pregnancy during my active treatment. This is due to the virtual certainty that sperm cells are adversely affected by the treatment. We will follow their advice. At the end of six months we will see what the situation is.
4) April and I both feel that the answer may be adoption. We will not pursue this until we have many more answers, but if adoption is the answer we are very willing to accept that answer. Given the fact that we have three children of our own, and that I am a cancer patient, adoption will probably not be easy. I am almost certain that the adoption possibilities would be for minority children. April and I are in agreement that minority children would not be an obstacle and that we could love those children as much as any we had on our own.

All of this may be terribly premature—there are so many unanswered questions However, the feelings are very real and should be recorded.

Last Sunday prior to my first treatment I gave all of the children a Father’s blessing to help them cope with the problems and also to ask that they not be carries of infection during the time my resistance is low. It was a special time. Even more special was the husband’s blessing I gave to April. It was very touching and the most significant part was that she would have the confidence and patience to see this thing through. I could not ask for a more supporting wife. She has been absolutely super through this whole thing—very supportive, very loving and very concerned. I love her so very much.

Today was also the first Sunday of the month and that means interview Sunday. We have been doing this for about 3 months and the children really eat it up. Chip especially looks forward to it. During our interview we discussed his need for greater effort at school and that he needs to be cleaner. I think the last time his fingernails were clean was when he was born. After the interviews April and I discussed why the children like the interviews and decided that while we try conscientiously to spend time with our children , very little of that time is one on one time. To increase the one on one time we are also going to adopt the idea from Gary and Marie Stailey. They let one of the children stay up ½ hour longer than all the others at night. Each child has his or her turn during the week and the ½ hour is spent doing what the child wants to do. It sounds like a great idea—stay tuned for next week’s episode and we’ll let you know if it worked. I can tell already that Susy is going to have a hard time when every night isn’t her turn, but I guess that’s a big part of the plan—to teach taking turns.

Quinn’s interview was a gem. We talked about how you have to practice to be a mommy. And practicing means cleaning up, learning to do dishes, and maybe we can find some simple foods she can start to fix (toast maybe?).

Susy’s interview was short and to the point: We need to have dry pants and Daddy sure loves you—end of interview.

Since we are starting out on ambitious new goals we have decided to try another one. These great ideas by the way have not passed the true test of consistency, yet, but if we tell you about them we will be more likely to be committed. This new idea came from the Ensign and it is a family devotional. With as hectic as things get around here I can tell one big key to success will be brevity—a song, prayer, scripture and that’s it. Again—stay tuned next week for a progress report.

There is one item I can report on though that I’ve been successful at for several months. I have been plugging away at the Old Testament regularly since September. There have been only a few days I’ve missed it in the months in between. I must confess thought that eight years ago when the church study course was on the Old Testament I read 275 pages. This time I didn’t start over especially since those 275 pages included Numbers, Deuteronomy etc. After finishing 2nd chronicles I am reading the books of the Prophets as they are discussed in Brother Skousens book “The Fourth Thousand Years” instead of the sequence they are presented in the Bible. With his explanations, I am enjoying the reading and learning. Without his book, or some other commentary I’m afraid I would be lost and my reading would continue only at the price of sheer will power. But now it is interesting (most of the time anyway) I am now in Isaiah and am surprising myself with how much I understand—but I’m sure a long way from understanding a fraction of what he says. I am reading and trying which is different when I read Nephi’s quotations of Isaiah in the Book of Mormon—that was when I figured it was a good chance to practice speed reading. I also confess I practice a little speed reading on the “he begat” sections now.

Well, I started this this at 2AM and it is now 11 PM. In between has been conference (sessions were fabulous as usual) interviews, a viewing, visitors from Globe, a dozen phone calls, 2 meals, a mopped floor and more dishes than I care to count. It’s been a good day and I feel great. My therapy is working out great and I am confident, happy, but working hard to be better. Kevin, I’ve even made a special missionary commitment which I will dedicate to you, but you’ll have to wait for next week to hear about it.

Please keep praying for me—I need it. Pam, Bob, Glenn, and Family, we are praying for you constantly and I will fast as soon as I’m off medication. We love you all.

Gerald.

4/7/81
Just a quick update on my second treatment. Monday April and I went to Tucson along with the former R.S. President (Irene Gardanier). We had a lot of fun going down and they enjoyed the trip back while I slept. The drugs given this time are the ones that cause hair loss so they gave me an ice cap that is supposed to reduce hair loss. The thing was sure cold. Getting the injections was a snap—no apprehension at all. I thought I was going to get off scot-free this time. Well, id didn’t work that way. In the afternoon I felt sick all over, but not particularly nauseous. Today I have been mildly nauseous, but not really bad—bad enough to not feel good, but not bad enough to really do much complaining. Tomorrow everything will be back to par—like it or not, I am determined to not be sick tomorrow.

Dear family, (letter by April) Memorial Day 1982

--On the outside of the letter written: “Come see us!!! Anyone got any neat ideas for summer projects to include kids? Criteria: they must be done on hot 120 degree summer afternoons—INSIDE!!

Well, I have decided to get this letter off to you today—who knows? I may even succeed. It was fun to get up this morning and not have to get into the swing of things immediately. I just love those Monday holidays! They are not like Saturdays because I don’t get the guilts about having to get up and get the family up and hopping for the Sabbath. I have a very dear friend here named Virgie Arrington. Her husband is the brother of Leonard Arrington, the Church historian. She is just delightful and this morning she called me at 5:45 and we went walking. We walked for nearly 2 hours straight! We started talking and just didn’t stop. I have been walking for 2-3 miles a day since February, I guess. This has seemed to help the Arthritis from the Lupus. My rash that was all over my body is now gone and my skin now looks healthy and normal once again. I was wondering if I would ever see the day when I didn’t itch all over! Now the arthritis has come but I have found that if I walk everyday and exercise my upper torso (shoulders, upper arms, elbows and hands) I do much better. I have not had to go on my cortisone and I simply take aspirin for the swelling of the joints. I have found, however, that I must force myself to slow down and I have to get adequate rest every day. Somehow, that is the most difficult thing of all to do. It is very frustrating to make myself lie down every afternoon because there is so much that needs to be done. Things are running smoothly, thought, and a new routine has been good for us.

So—since I am up and about early I thought that before we did anything else this morning, I would get this letter off to all of you. I want to give you a little update about eh events of Friday and let you now how Gerald is doing. As a little background—in the past, a cough has been an indication of the cancer either present or spreading. When we found out the cancer has left the host tissue, the lymph nodes, and had entered the lungs, we were very upset and frightened, as you can imagine. Gerald is one of a very few how has not responded to the forms of treatment that have been administered before. We are talking in the neighborhood of 2 to 3% of all the patients our doctor has treated over the years for Hodgkin’s disease. That is not good. There are a few alternative drug combinations that have been successful and the doctor decided on one particular kind. (Adriamycin, vindicine, BCNU, and Prednisone). The treatment schedule is once every 3 weeks for 6-8 months and then on a maintenance program for 18 months to 2 years. After the first treatment, we went down to Tucson for the 2nd one and there had been no change with the cancer. Not better—no worse. The doctor was disappointed but he encouraged us that at least it had not grown. He upped the dosage and we were hoping and pray8ing that we would see some change this time. However, about a week after the treatment, Gerald developed this horrible cough. You can imagine our fright and concern because it just did not seem to get any better. He is not in the best of health—he has lost 40 lbs. since this all began—weighing now 147. We went back on Friday, very anxious that the cancer was spreading and nervous about the treatment. To our joy, however, we found that the cough was not related to the growth of the cancer but because of allergies or something else. The nodes in his lungs are smaller and some have gone. The doctor said that he wishes they were all gone but al least now we are convinced that the treatment is working. He gave Gerald the same dosage as last time and we are on our way. I read a copy of the letter that Pamela wrote to all of you this last time and I am so thankful to each of your for your fasting and prayers administered in our behalf. It means so much to us and I do want you to know that they were very effective. The treatment was still very painful for Gerald but all (or much) of the anxiety was gone making the experience much easier to bear. I want you to know that your brother is a very courageous and brave individual. He always maintains an uplifting spirit; he is very positive and very seldom is depressed about the situation. He has developed a very very close and intimate relationship with the Father. To know of the time he spends on his knees in prayer and supplication to the Lord is a real inspiration to me in my life, and has taught me so much more about the power and the peace that can come to our lives through prayer. Gerald has had a very difficult time with the chemotherapy this last series.

Fortunately, the nausea has been better than in the treatments before. The actual getting the treatment, however, is the difficult thing. He always kids the nurses that they have to be good because somehow they always manage to hit a moving target! His psychological attitude is the thing that we need to work on to prepare him for what is to come each time he goes down to Tucson. With all of our hearts, we thank you dear people for helping us through this experience. I just can’t begin to express the difference between the two situations (first time around versus second time after it didn’t work?) and we thank you from the bottom of our hearts. We love you all dearly and pray for your happiness.

We are busy with the children as the school year comes to an end. We have had dance recitals, violin recitals soccer championships and the list goes on and on and on! I’ll tell you about a few of them since I have already started this page. (I want you to know I am supposed to be outside raking the gravel!) I think most of you know that Quinn has been taking gymnastics for the past few years. She takes from this academy and is with this group of little girls from 5-8 who are all pretty good for being so little. The woman who owns this school is not LDS, by the way. Well, this spring, they had the Dance Festival here in the Phoenix Valley and the lady who was in charge of the entire production, contacted the owner of Quinn’s dance school and wanted to know if she had any numbers (2) that they could use as floor show dances between the big dances on the field. Well, to make a long story short, Quinn’s class was one of the 2. The LDS lady didn’t want little kids, but as soon as she saw what they could do, she was delighted with them. Anyway, Quinn and her little class of 12 was in the Dance Festival at the ASU Football stadium and flipped, cart-wheeled and bounced in a little clown dance in front of a crowd of 40,000 people! Talk about tickled! I guess it made Gerald and I so nervous but she wasn’t the least bit concerned—she just thought it was fun. That is the most important thing, though. We are so pleased with the children’s violin lessons. They are taking the Suzuki method. Chip is in with a group of 3 little boys and Quinn with 3 little girls. They are mostly from the neighborhood and are LDS and they are coming right along. It is very difficult because I have to sit right down with them constantly as they practice. Unfortunately it is not a thing where I can say, “Go do your practicing!” Since they are now just beginning to read the music, they have learned for the past year just by memory and ear. Chip can just play about any hymn by ear now but his favorite is “Scooby Doo.’ The theory behind the method is to teach them by memory and ear first so that they can get a feel for the instrument and an ear for the music and then introduce reading the music. We are really pleased with it and I think that we will start Susannah at the beginning of the year. I have already purchased her violin (it is 1/8 the size of a normal violin) and she is always wanting to get it out and play. Let me know if any of you will be here on June 28th. If so, I am sure that Chip will assign you a part on his baptism. This is a very exciting time in our family as he will be baptized then. I just love our stake here because they have the policy that each person baptized gets his own baptism—not handled on a stake basis. We have wanted it to be a very memorable experience for Chip and he can hardly wait. I will conduct. My mom and Mums will say the opening and closing prayers. Quinn will lead the singing and Susannah will say a scripture. My sis and I will sing a song. His violin teacher (who is not LDS) will play (Oh How Lovely Was the Morning) and his Primary teacher will give the talk. He just found out last night that Uncle Devin will be here too, and he said, “Do you think “Uncle Kevin could run the projector?” Gerald and I took him down to the Scout store about 4 weeks ago and bought him his uniform. He hung it up in his Daddy’s closet and goes in there and just looks at it. Last Saturday I sent G and Chip down to a photo studio and had both their pics taken together in their uniforms. Susannah is just a pistol. She forever bounces in and lights up our lives. She is such a strong and independent spirit, but simply worships the ground Quinn walks on. I hope she keeps it up. She informed me the other day, however, that she wishes she was in Virgie’s family. When asking her why, she said, “Because they have a trampoline, a bunny, and a swimming pool.” When she was the look of horror on my face, she added, “But don’t worry, Mom, Virgie will be my mom but you can be my Grandma!” I think that we are going to have a lot on our hands as I look down the road with that child. WE LOVE YOUALL WITH ALL OUR HEARTS. THANKS FOR THE MANY MANY KINDNESSES YOU SHOW—PHONE CALLS, BABYSITTING, BACK RUBS, SURPRISE BOXES AND MOSTLY PRAYERS! GQCQ and S.

Written on the side: The kids and I plan to be in Provo Aug 5-12. Gerald is going to a Scout Jamboree.

Gerald’s next 2 treatments are June 18 and July 9th. We (family) plan to be in LA July 12-16—Gerald teaching in Pamona. See you PSJ&B