Excerpts from “A Tribute to Gerald” written by Pamela Openshaw

Excerpts from “A Tribute to Gerald” written by his sister Pamela Openshaw

In this singular experience we call mortality there are times of intense joy and times of aching sadness. The experiences related here are clearly times which encompass both extremes of the broad spectrum of human emotion.

In the dark night hours of October 13/14, each of us received a call from Gerald and April: “Can you come—right away?” The voices, strained with tears and pain, foretold the dreaded news: Medical science had given up—there was nothing further they could do in their battle to cure Gerald’s Hodgkin’s disease. The cancer had become drug-resistant; it was growing rapidly and there were possibly only weeks left. A visit to the doctor that day had proved the culmination of all our worst fears: Gerald was dying.

Once source of help remained—the source that could provide the truth, peace and understanding—the Lord. Gerald asked that we come to Mesa to join he and April in a united family appeal to the Lord in Gerald’s behalf. Each received the news with shock: The Monday before Gerald had developed problems breathing—shortness of breath, nails turning blue, difficulty walking. He was unable to lie down to sleep, and had lost a great deal of weight. There was one drug left—it had never worked on a Hodgkin’s patient before, but they could try. Gerald said, enough was enough.

Meanwhile Mom and Dad talked with President Wright, the Mesa temple president and obtained permission for a special temple session in Gerald’s behalf—to take place at noon on Saturday. This was a “miracle in itself.” As President Wright said that we could even have this special session. President Wright offered his office for the family prayer and Dad’s blessing on Gerald to be offered in conjunction with the temple session.

We all realized the situation was very serious and we had much to petition the Lord for.

Under Gerald’s direction, we held a short devotional before departing for the temple. Gerald requested that Pam read D&C 42:48

“And again, it shall come to pass that he that hath faith to be healed, and is not appointed unto death, shall be healed.”

This scripture had become a source of real comfort and faith to Gerald in the last weeks of his life, holding promise that the Lord hears and can heal. Asking if there were any others who would like to read and offer scriptures, Pam began and Luana finished reading D&C 121:7-8:

“My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it will, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.”

April read Moroni 7:34-37

“And he hath said: Repent all ye ends of the earth, and come unto me, and be baptized in my name, and have faith in me, that ye may be saved. And now, my beloved brethren, if this be the case that these tings are true which I have spoken unto you, and God will show unto you, with power and great glory at the last day, that they are true, and if they are true has the day of miracles ceased? Or have angels ceased to appear unto the children of men? Or has he withheld the power of the Holy Ghost from them? Or will he, so long as time shall last, or the earth shall stand, or there shall be one man upon the face thereof to be saved? Behold I say unto you, Nay; for it is by faith that miracles are wrought; and it is by faith that angels appear and minister unto men; wherefore, if these things have ceased wo be unto the children of men, for it is because of unbelief, and all is vain.”

Karen quoted, from memory: Deuteronomy 31: 6

“Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.”

Gerald read D&C 6:34-37

“Therefore, fear not, little flock; do good; let earth and hell combine against you, for if ye are built upon my rock, they cannot prevail. Behold, I do not condemn you; go your ways and sin no more; perform with soberness the work which I have commanded you. Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not. Behold the wounds which pierced my side, and also the prints of the nails in my hands and feet; be faithful, keep my commandments, and ye shall inherit the kingdom of heaven. Amen.

Gerald then reminded us of why we had all come; that we were asking the Lord for a miracle, and that he was asking to know the will of the Lord—whether he was to be healed or taken.

During the Chapel meeting Gerald had requested to speak to the assembled group. He thanked all for coming and explained why we were assembled—to ask a blessing of the Lord. He had prayed for a crisis to come so he would know the will of the Lord, that he was willing to accept the will of the Lord; that he felt he would be told one of three things—Yes he would live, no he would not, or that the time had not yet come for him to be given the answer. He explained that he felt no bitterness before the Lord for the trials that had befallen him, that he felt a closeness to the Lord and felt Jesus Christ was his special friend and that he dedicated his soul to the Lord. It was a beautiful experience for us—a sweet, peaceful, spirit-nurturing time, when we felt love for each other, and for Gerald, and for God. It was a time of expectation, knowing that the blessing we all came to hear pronounced would soon be given. It was a time of deep, soulful pleading with God to bless Gerald; to heal him if that was best—directing our fullest efforts toward those pleas, stretching ourselves to extend our faith to the fullest in Gerald’s behalf.

The peaceful, loving, joyous feeling of expectation went with us into the session. Gerald grew visably stronger as the session progressed—he moved from the wheelchair to a regular seat and required no oxygen throughout the session; he breathed easier and was able to stand and sit without assistance. What a thrill it was to stand at that beautiful place—the prayer circle, all together as a complete family! ?Gerald later commented that as he stood and looked behind him in the temple session, every person he saw was someone he loved; and that the Celestial room was like the Celestial Kingdom would be. He was seeing more than we were—he felt the veil was so thin for him and he was receiving his strength from the Sprit as it carried him through. ?

After the session all family members went into the Temple President’s office for a family prayer circle.

There was immense unity of purpose among those present and the desire for complete submsssion to the will of the Father. Gerald began the family prayer circle. In a voice physically frail, trembling, evident of weakness and pain and long-suffering, yet spiritually strong and powerful, he spoke very directly, fully confident that his words would be heard by a mindful Father. He read phrases from his Patriarchial blessing to the Lord, explaining that he felt some of these blessings remained yet to be fulfilled in mortality, and he reminded the Lord of the other blessings he had been given and promises made. He spoke of his concern for his wife and children, reminding the Lord of their young ages; he felt that he hadn’t taught them all he needed to, commenting that he and April had only 9 years together. He said he had felt no bitterness or anger at what had befallen him, but had tried to be an example of how a person should conduct himself under adversity. He asked the Lord to heal him, but stated his willingness to do the Lord’s will, whatever it be. He had known a crisis was coming—where his life would hang in the balance and the Lord’s will would be made known to him.

Concluding, Gerald asked April to pray, and in a voice frequently filled with tears, yet steady and confident, she stated that in the nine and a half years they’d had together as man and wife, they’d achieved a unity most couples took a lifetime to gain. She spoke of her intense desire to have Gerald remain, yet promised he could go with no bitterness on her part if it was the Lord’s will. She promised that if Gerald was taken, she would dedicate her life to raising their children as Gerald and as He would want.

Each member of the immediate family had the opportunity to offer a prayer to Heavenly Father in Gerald’s behalf.

It is noteworthy that each individual praying stated our willingness, as individuals and family, to abide by the will of the Lord; our desires to keep Gerald with us and have him healed were powerful, but more powerful was our desire to abide by the plan of a loving Eternal Father.

Gerald’s great desire from this blessing was to know one thing—would he live or die. Others of us had come to ask more; that he be healed, unless it was contrary to God’s will. We did not ask whether he be healed slowly or instantly, but just that he be healed.

Dad’s blessing spoken simply, referred to the unity of the group assembled. It told us that we had exercised sufficient faith for Gerald to be healed—that Dad personally did not believe Gerald was to be called home. We were told that the Lord’s will would be done, that Gerald would be healed according to HIS??(GOD’S?) true faith and desires, and Gerald was commended into the hands of the Lord. But we were not told that Gerald was to be healed—though we prayed intensely, desired that intensely throughout the blessing, we did not hear those words.

At the conclusion of the blessing the room was quiet as we struggled for an understanding of the blessing that had been given. What had really been promised? There had been a positive feeling to the blessing, but we remained ignorant of the final outcome of Gerald’s situation. Gerald himself seemed to be struggling with these thoughts and as we split into smaller groups and headed for the dressing rooms there was a feeling of uncertainty as we sifted through our feelings to try to understand, and questioned each other to clarify our own impressions. This clarification process continued for the remainder of the time we were together and up until Gerald’s death ten days later, when we finally understood the Lord’s will and could see the meaning of the blessing.

None of us really knew, as we said goodbye, that we would never see Gerald in mortality again.

On Sunday October 17th the scouts that he taught came to give Gerald the Sacrament. Before the scouts departed he asked if he could say a few words and we all eagerly agreed. He began by saying: “I don’t know how much your parents have told you, but I’m very ill and only a miracle will same me.” He said there were things he wanted to tell them that he wanted them to never forget. He bore his testimony to the truthfulness of the Godpel of Jesus Christ and stated that he gained that testimony on his mission. He said he had always wanted to go on a mission and that there were things he had done before his mission that had prepared him: going to church, reading the scriptures, having goodly parents, scouting experiences, going to Seminary. But his mission was what gave him his testimony. He challenged the boys to develop testimonies of their own, as the time would come when they could not stand on the borrowed testimonies of others. He challenged each of them to go on a mission. He admonished them to start now, to not become impatient, but to do all they should and all else would follow. The testimony he bore was beautiful—in a voice steady and sure inspite of its infirmities, he spoke with love, in words geared to boys of that age., with simplicity, with obvious great faith, with a strong desire to assist these boys—grasping every possible opportunity to teach them. It was a marvelous experience for us all—touching and poignant—one that will remain in memory.

That night Gerald reached a small milestone that was so very big. He was able to breathe on his back without difficulty. The start of the miracle. It was a happy time—we were all excited and optimistic; we laughed and joked and talked enthusiastically of larger goals for further down the road. A joyous peacefulness pervaded all—the Lord had told us yes; Gerald was going to get well and the nightmare of his illness would end. We told ourselves that, in small groups and large, and in many one on one situations.

When the time came, each of us said goodbye to Gerald—each offering love and encouragement to him. We all believed, we all hoped he was to be healed—we would see him in five weeks at the wedding and he would be better. There were challenges offered to Gerald—to be 10 pounds heavier, to be ready to play a racquetball game or go jogging. We didn’t know then that we would re-assemble in just a few days to attend Gerald’s funeral. Those farewells were touching as we bid good-bye to other family members.

How do you trace the final days before death? What words can convey the individual shock—unique, yet ultimately the same—when we were finally given the answer we had asked for, that Gerald was “appointed unto death:, that he had finished his mortal mission and was going Home.

On October 26, at 12:31 Arizona time, with April’s arms around him as he lay on the couch in his living room, Gerald slipped quietly out of mortality. He went peacefully, having been in a coma since the night before, when Dad had given him a blessing promising him rest. The Lord had answered his prayers that his trails be shortened, and we at long last knew the final outcome of Gerald’s illness.

Some things are better understood in retrospect. Perhaps death is one of those things.

How overwhelmingly blessed we felt that we had had that weekend with Gerald before his death!! How much we saw the hand of a loving Father who gave us that weekend as a blessing for the faith, prayers and fasting we had offered for so long in Gerald’s behalf, and as a cushion for what was to come. We had asked for one answer and gotten another, yet there was peace in that answer—we felt reassured that all was as it should be. Just as earthly parents sometimes tell their children no because their wisdom sees a further future, so an all-wise Heavenly Father must sometimes say no to our sincere pleadings, knowing of an eternal future more pressing than the wants of today.

We had been protected from the final outcome, and so, until the very end, we all thought the Lord was going to let us keep Gerald here with us. Even as he became weaker and slipped further downhill, unable to meet the goals he had set, unable to walk unaided, requiring more oxygen, we hadn’t known it was to be this way. What would we have done if the Lord had told us in the family prayer circle in the temple that Gerald would not live? Our despair would have been immense, our last hours with him painful, our farewells agonizing. Instead, a loving Father, who could not tell us yes, left us with peace and a positive feeling, which we then interpreted as the yes we wanted.

We are comforted in Gerald’s passing—the powerful feelings we knew there in the temple have left us no doubt that he was wanted at Home; that he was ready to go and prepared to meet his Father; that nothing else we could have done would have changed that final answer.

There are questions in our minds; some puzzlement over things promised in blessings that, to our mortal eyes, seem unfulfilled. But as we struggle for understanding, our thoughts ring true: Perhaps we see only the restrictive perimeters of mortality—we draw the lines too tightly between mortality and the Spirit World. Gerald still lives; he is progressing and developing his talents; his blessings can be brought to pass there. He is, perhaps very close to us still.

Rather then feeling sadness that we will never again stand in mortality as a complete family in the prayer circle of the temple, we choose, instead, to be grateful that we got to stand united once.

We’re grateful for Gerald’s example to us—his closeness to his Father, his acceptance of his lot, his uncomplaining spirit.

We bask in the legacy of love he left—the increased love in our families—strong families grown stronger because of Gerald.

We cherish the faith we developed; the increased trust in the Lord, and the hope that He is pleased that we are trying mightily to understand and accept.